Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
