I skipped work to stalk him.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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