why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She bit a glass in half.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
