ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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