There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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