Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I would fuck him just for his dog
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
