please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
