Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
