you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
