A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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