At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
try to milk me bitch
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