hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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