All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
