That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
