if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
