Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
