he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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