Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
