We're facebook friends in real life
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
