seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My penis needs a shock collar
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
