We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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