The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize