By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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