i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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