I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
