You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
