Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize