yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize