Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
