I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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