My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
