No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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