i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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