she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
