did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
