the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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