I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize