My liver just broke up with me...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
