I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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