Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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