You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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