OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i barfeds in our rink
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
