Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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