More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
