dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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