I seem to have left my pride at pride
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize