he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
