i don't plan on having that self control this summer
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I am available for nakedness
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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