Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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