New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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