you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
ttyl tear gas
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
