i was born a porn star she said
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
