i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Drunk is not a location!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
