Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
