duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize