Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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