sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
