tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
