Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
