It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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