thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize