I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
