First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
