Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize