I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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