all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
