sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
