Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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