I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
