I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
