do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
