I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
