You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
false alarm. still invincible.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
