I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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