just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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