Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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