her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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