Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
