I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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