i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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