somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
