i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
