Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
