If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
