I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
