She's JV to your varsity
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i drank out of a bidet.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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