Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize