no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
