So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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