My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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