what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
