What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
