it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
