just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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