No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
