you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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