I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
