Where did you get a picture of my penis
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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