Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
