You can't special order awesome
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
