Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
