Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
