I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
