my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize