I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Acid is not a monday night drug
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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