Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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