Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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