Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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