Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I can't turn off my feet"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
