I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
