I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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