I'm eating all of the evidence.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize