is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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