If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
